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I’m going to do whatever I wantby 주아나

 


My second son has been saying, “Ma,” for 18 months now.

“What? My fingers can move any way I want them to? Wiggle wiggle.”

“Gasp! I can stand with both [my] feet and go wherever I want to go…...”

“I can grab hold of a spoon and put it in my mouth!!!! Lord….”

Now that he can move his body in whatever way he wishes, his free will has reached an explosive state.


It is not time for a meal.

“Mamamamam* [맘마 mamma is a baby’s way of saying food in Korean].”

“Joobin, you are hungry right? I’ll give you some food.”

After cutting some vegetables and frying them with perilla seeds, (grain) flour, and grain oil, I brought [the food] to him. After eating one spoon, he spit it out, letting it fall off from his mouth.

“Mommamamam.” (Mom, give me something else)

I still tried to put it in his mouth but he closed his mouth. After learning the flavor of sweets, he got pickier.

“Is it because he is frustrated?” I took him out with me because I felt bad for keeping him at home all winter. “Hey Joobin. Our house is on a very high peak so it is very steep, so if you go down that way, you will fall down.”

“Mmmm” (Mom, I am still gonna go my way).

“I told you, it is dangerous to go that way. We need to go the flat way.”

“Uh... wah wah” (Why are you blocking me when I am trying to walk with my very own feet). He then sat and started to fret.
Then, he lied down on the floor and wailed.

He spazed because I didn’t let him climb on top of a table,

spazed because I didn’t let him open the sink drawer and flip the flour over,

and spazed because I didn’t let him take out all the books from the shelf.

What a stubborn child, like a mule--thick headed and obstinate.

I seriously asked one of my older friends.

“Hey, when will all this end?”

The said,

“Surely after one time….two…. hohoho. This will become his habit, so when he turns 10, he will not listen, like those who are 10 years old;

when he turns 15, he will do whatever [he wants] now that he has turned 15 and,

when he turns 20, he will do things in any way [he wants] to his hearts content.
Hey, he’s crying. Go [to him]. These words should be sealed from newlyweds.”

“Ah, the work just gets bigger by the day.”


“Mom never likes whatever I do. Psh”

“Mom is an opposer. Why do you block, why do you block the fun things that I discover~”

So as soon as I block [him], he hysterically frets and makes such a fuss to let him do it.

If I say something nowadays, he glares at me.

Sigh, I am not just blocking mindlessly…..

I blocked him from going under the table because there were tangled electric cords under the table,
I blocked him from running down the stairs because he was trying to just run down the stairs without thinking, and I blocked him from opening the sink drawer because there was much more than just flour, like glass containers… ..

Would there be a reason for me to block [him] if the situation was safe and sound.

The child will emphasize free will but a mom has to look at both free will and safety.

There is not much difference between God and human beings.

Although human beings take action thinking only about free will, God looks at us after thinking about both laws and free will. Those laws are laws of life, laws to go to Heaven and laws of eternal happiness. It is free will within the laws because only then can He protect his beloved’s body, heart, and spirit safely.

I run, screaming, “No!!!!!!” to my child who is trying to cut things with a scissor he found somewhere. Even today, it is a war that isn’t a real war.

“You spiteful pretty one. When will you stop your whining and know my heart?”



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3/19/2015